I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
