Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize