Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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