i don't like sucking hair
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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