come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
