All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
