i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
