So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
