I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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