I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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