I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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