theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize