absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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