in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
