So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
