Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
