and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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