let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
