Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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