Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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