I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
