im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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