He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You need Xanax blowdarts
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
