I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
