Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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