you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
