the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize