Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
