First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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