Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
