I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ladies don't puke and tell
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