You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
