My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize