walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
