we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
