That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
