Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
