What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
