I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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