Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
