Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
