How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize