Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
