I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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