some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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