She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
