i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
