made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
