nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
