I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
