Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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