The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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