When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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