I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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