i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
