Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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