Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When are your genitals available?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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