Don't you send me to vm
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
