Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
