Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
