thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
