My nipple is on Facebook.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
