see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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