I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
