I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize