i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We had to coat check the pizza.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
