The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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