Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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