if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
