Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've blown a few things in my day
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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