Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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