i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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