im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
