Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
