We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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