Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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