I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
