dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
