what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
