Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
