So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize