I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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