wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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