What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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