she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
