I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
