shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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