The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
