How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
