I hate all girls vehemently.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
