just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
