Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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