It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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