So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
