I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im part way to drunk.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
